Ever felt entangled in fixing others' problems, only to lose sight of your own? I lived this reality until I stumbled upon the enlightening teachings of psychotherapist Terri Cole. This episode of Struggle Berry Crunch sheds light on my journey of overcoming high-functioning codependency and the profound lessons I learned. Journey with me as I share my experiences of becoming overly engrossed in others' issues, the chaos it brewed in my life, and how I navigated towards healthier relationships.
You'll be introduced to my personal mantra: "Not my circus, not my monkeys." This phrase became my cornerstone, helping me understand the importance of focusing on personal growth while allowing others to learn from their experiences. We delve into the realms of responsibility and the fears we come across in our lives. This compelling audio clip not only offers lessons on overcoming codependency but also emphasizes the idea that your presence might be the best support you can provide. Remember, it's okay to care, but it's not your job to fix people. So tune in and learn how to maintain healthy boundaries while supporting your loved ones.
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Speaker 1:
You're listening to Struggle Berry Crunch with your Teriyana, . As a recovering high-functioning codependent person, the biggest thing that I had to learn in my journey was not to fix people. Most of the time when I was growing up, especially in my early 20s, I would try to go into relationships looking for a way that I could help people because to me, it made me feel more valuable in their life. It made me feel like I could hold that space, like they needed me. I needed to feel needed, and the more I involved myself in their issues, in their surroundings, without even asking them what kind of support they need, I would just give it all up Emotionally. I was gaining more chaos in my life without even dealing with my own issues first. So Not my Circus, not my Monkeys, came from this book that I read by Terri Cole, a great psychotherapist who is just an expert in boundaries, codependency, passive aggressiveness, and it helped me learn how to manage the space between caring about somebody and fixing somebody. Allowing someone to learn along the way in their journey is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone, versus trying to fix everything for them when we step into people's lives and we try to take it over by showing what we know is best or offering unasked for advice. Sometimes we do more harm than good and we rob people from learning from their own monkeys.
Speaker 1:
So if you're similar to me and you struggle with codependency, just remember it's okay to support people from a distance and you can start by asking them what they need. And if they say that they just need you to listen especially for a person who's emotionally available, that can be very hard and you just listen because you want to. You want to do more, you want to give input, you want to give feedback, but you just being there is enough. You are enough and that's all they need to know. And that's all you need to know.
Speaker 1:
We're all on a personal journey and we're reflections of other people. You have your own circus and old monkeys to manage and you can enjoy the show with other people and they can enjoy your show as they watch. You learn and grow along the way. So remember, not your circus, not your monkeys. Healthy boundaries, everyone, healthy boundaries. And also, please go listen to my podcast, struggleberry Crunch. It's on Apple, spotify and Google and all the major podcast networks where I talk about these different things, about codependency and responsibility and the fears that we face. But I think, in regards to this talk, you'll definitely love my podcast episode that Bish Codependency. Go check it out. I'll talk to you soon.